hair

I often do my tweezing in bed. I'm relaxed and I can hold the mirror close to my face (a necessity with my aging eyes). So there I was the other night, lying in bed and examining myself in the mirror. I realized that the gray hairs are increasing in number. Whereas I used to be able to say that I had a few stray grays, now I'm close to saying that I'm starting to gray. I tweezed one of the longer hairs to get a closer look. It was stunningly silver.

But now what? Do I color? Do I stay natural?

Years ago, I worked with a woman who had straight waist-long hair that was more gray than brunette. She always looked old and tired. At the end of one summer, she returned to campus looking 15 years younger, having had her hair cut and colored. I had never realized how much difference hair length and color could make.

One of my current colleagues had long hair that she had colored dark since before I'd known her. Last year, she began to go natural. Her hair is now a beautiful white and it is now chin-length. It looks spectacular. I think she looks younger for having made this change.

Is a hair color decision a statement, or is it just a matter of style? If I color, am I saying that I care about how I look? Is this okay? Does it say that I'm vain? Does it say that I want to look younger, or that I care whether other people might think I look old? Does it say I'm superficial? On the other hand, if I go and stay gray, does it suggest that I don't care about myself at all? Does it say that I'm lazy, or cheap, or old, or boring?

My mother-in-law and her mother both color their hair. I asked my father-in-law about it once, and he said that he doesn't care if his wife colors her hair, that it's her choice. She, on the other hand, says that when she started going gray he suggested that she color it because he wasn't old enough to be sleeping with a granny. I love my mother-in-law and her mother. But at a certain age, does it really make us look younger? Does anyone really think that my husband's grandmother is younger than 85 just because she has auburn hair? Come on.

My mother, on the other hand, wears no makeup and doesn't color her hair. I grew up in a family that avoided doing anything artificial or superficial. The only reason I got my ears pierced is that my dad was in Germany for the summer and wanted to get my mom some nice jewelry. The only thing he could find was pierced earrings, and Mom took me along to the ear-piercing store when she got hers done.

So maybe my decision is not about whether or not to color. Instead, my decision needs to be about whether it even is a decision or if it's just a matter of style.