stupid, stupid, stupid

Yesterday I was feeling so great that I puttered around the house, doing a bit of laundry, loading the dishwasher, cooking myself some breakfast. I was really careful not to lift anything too heavy. However, I had forgotten that there were some restrictions about the stairs--only once or twice a day. I was up and down, like, 15 times. Oops. Boy am I feeling it now. Last night I was in pain and had increased bleeding of my stitches. Today I'm really swollen and achy, but I do feel better. I guess that's one way to learn. So I'm behaving myself really well today, which is quite boring. Ugh.

a symphony of movement

Goal #2 for the day--accomplished!

holy hormones, batman!

Apparently, ovaries go into shock after a hysterectomy.  Their blood supply is affected when the uterine arteries are disconnected, and they no longer have the hormonal mother ship (the uterus itself) to communicate with.  Typically, they resume functioning after a couple months.  Meanwhile, omg!  Yesterday my hormones hit me like a hurricane.  I was achy and had a difficult day.  No one in my family came to check on me except for when Ben woke up in the morning.  At 2:00, I had to remind him that he said he would make me lunch.  It's like I was invisible for the whole day.  My teenage children are supposed to be focusing on me, but I think they forgot about me.  So I burst into tears in the middle of the kitchen (ironically, while Matt was cooking our dinner) and announced that no one loved me as much as I deserved and asked how the people I had carried beneath my heart for so many months could be so heartless in return.  (Even I had to roll my eyes at myself.)  They all came and gave me hugs and told me how much they loved me and would take care of me and all rolled their eyes at each other when they thought I wouldn't see.

Today's projects:

1. Try to channel my hormonal outbursts in more productive ways (i.e., thinking ahead of time about what I want to have happen so they do what I want out of guilt).
2. Poop.  Yes, this is TMI, but I still have Christmas dinner inside me and it's time.  I think today's my lucky day.  With the new-found space inside me, my intestines are trying to rearrange myself and haven't yet figured out how to function again.

recovery

I can't believe the surgery is finally over.  The day of the surgery was quite difficult.  I vomited quite a few times throughout the day, due to either the general anesthesia or the morphine--and this was with the anti-nausea meds.  The nurses didn't even try to get me up and to the bathroom until around midnight.  I made it there, almost fainted, and then threw up.  So the catheter stayed with me for a while.  By 4 am I was able to walk all the way to the bathroom and back to the bed, and when I could do it again at 6 we removed the catheter.  It was amazing how much better I felt from one day to the next.  I was able to go home by 10:30 the morning after surgery.  Now I'm 3 days post-op.  I'm achier today than I was yesterday, but that's normal as the general anesthesia works its way out of my system.

I didn't nap yesterday or today, so I hope I can sleep well tonight.

tomorrow's the big day

Wow.  I actually think I'm ready for my surgery tomorrow.  I got the last bunch of grades calculated yesterday, and that was a huge relief.  I've been second-guessing the surgery a lot, alternating between wondering about all the other things that might be causing the pelvic pain and having days and weeks with no pain at all.  As a Christmas gift, I had the surgery decision validated.  I started cramping in church at Christmas Eve service, and the pain was so bad (8 on a 10-point scale) that I couldn't get to sleep.  I finally took Darvocet and it helped enough to get me to sleep, but I've been having cramping pains all day so far.  Strangely, this is really what I needed to have today.  I'll be glad when the surgery was over, and I'm glad to have it confirmed that it's needed.

Merry Christmas!

dumb boys

The other night, my 16-year old son and his friends decided to go snowboarding.  In their boxers.  Why?  "I thought it would be awesome.  It wasn't."

slouching toward surgery

Having made my decision to have a hysterectomy, I've been able to let go of most of the anxiety about it all.  The past several weeks have been pretty good.  I've been cutting  back on caffeine, drinking more water, sleeping better, coping better with stress, etc.  In fact, I've had almost no gynecological pain for several weeks.  I was starting to second guess my surgery.  What if all I needed to do was cut caffeine and stress and increase water intake?  After all, those things contribute to labor.  Why wouldn't they contribute to non-pregnant uterine contractions?  Even sex wasn't triggering pain (although I would feel crampy and uncomfortable).

I had my pre-op with the doctor Tuesday.  The actual appointment was pretty simple. While I sat in the waiting room, I read and signed all the consent forms. I had to sign 3 or 4 pieces of paper to acknowledge my understanding that I would not be able to become pregnant and various other things that said I'd received various pamphlets and other information. Once I got back to the exam room, he did a quick pelvic exam to be sure he could grab my cervix as he would need to do for a vaginal procedure. Then my husband came back, and we talked. We looked at some pictures of female anatomy, and he used his hands to describe the creation of the vaginal cuff. We talked about the risks and how he would handle different things that might come up during the surgery. Mostly, we just had a conversation. I had done a lot of research already, so there were no surprises--but talking about it made it seem more real.

In the midst of our conversation, about 20 minutes after the pelvic exam, I could feel the cramping start.  Over the past two days, it has gotten bad.  Yesterday morning, I was light-headed at school.  Once I took some ibuprofen, I was no longer light-headed but I could feel the pain again.  I spent several hours today on my heating pad.  I'm quite relieved.  I know absolutely that it was the uterus that experienced the stimulus and triggered the pain, and this is a reminder to me of why I need the surgery.  I can't function like this.  So I'm in pain, but happy about it.

Three more weeks!