lost and found

I've just moved offices. Ever since I came to this campus in 2001, I've been in the English hallway. Several years ago, I got to move across the hall to a lovely big office with a tall window, and I didn't have to share it with anyone. I knew it was temporary, and that as soon as we replaced the faculty member who had been there, I would move again.

But being the packrat that I am (emotionally as well as in the usual sense), I grew roots. All my patterns of being on this campus were grounded in being in that area. My good friends are there. The refrigerator and microwave I use are in the Study Center, just across the hall. My printing goes to the Study Center. I get to see my colleagues' kids when they come visit. I've parked in the same lot for eight years.

Moving, although I knew it was coming, was a reminder of my status on this campus. I'm instructional academic staff, not faculty. Faculty get the good offices; IAS usually don't. If they do, those offices are shared spaces. I've spent the last month mourning my move. I waited too long to begin purging and packing. I refused to think about my new colleague because she represented my displacement. I've been so sad.

Yesterday was the big day. Once I got into my new space and could start settling, it was easier than I had anticipated. I was still sad. At this point, my biggest feeling of loss is related to the window. Come fall, when my colleagues return for a new academic year, I'm sure I'll miss them and my routine all over again. I'll be using a different parking lot and fridge from now on.

During this whole time when I've been anticipating my losses, I had forgotten one important thing: the silver lining. Yesterday, several of my new "neighbors" stopped by to tell me how glad they are that I'm now closer to them. One of my colleagues in a different building came to ask me if I'd like to have lunch with her and another colleague once a week next semester. The secretaries have all said how happy they are that I'm here.

So I'm still feeling a bit lost, but thanks to the relationships I have with people, I'm feeling a bit found, too.

dog bites woman

I've been feeling kind of slumpy lately, spending most of my time lying or sitting on the couch. It's just been so hard to get myself to move. Yesterday, I lay down in bed for an afternoon nap and suddenly decided that I'd had enough. I decided that I should be active rather than nap, so I grabbed my husband and our dog for a quick walk. Because I've been so inactive for so long--especially since my surgery--I said that I wanted to just walk around our block. I figured this was a good starting point, and it was good that we were doing something together.

Halfway around the block, Thor started paying attention to a boxer that was two yards away from the corner. The boxer was running back and forth along its chain link fence in the way that dogs do. Its owner was in the yard with it hosing something down. I saw the dog suddenly run through the open gate and, I thought, head for the front yard. I figured the dog would go to its own front yard and be waiting for us, so I started to turn around to take Thor back the way we'd come. Just as I was about to ask my husband to stand watch for us for a minute, the dog came barreling through the back yard of another home. Next thing I knew, the boxer was latched onto the back of Thor's neck, vicious and snarling with a jaw that wouldn't let go. Because I had Thor on the leash, I was in the middle. I don't know what I should have done, but all I could think of was how I could explain to the kids how their beloved Thor was mauled on their own block. And then I started to think of the veterinary expenses that we couldn't afford. So I grabbed Thor's collar in my right hand and the boxer's collar in my left hand. Finally, I was able to fling the boxer away just as its owner arrived (and Doug was getting ready to kick it). I lost my balance and landed hard on my butt on the sidewalk and then fell over into the grass. It was so embarrassing, but I was so scared and so very angry.

The owner seemed apologetic but didn't offer any information about rabies shots. As I checked Thor over for blood (he was fine, but had huge globs of dog slobber on him), I realized that my right pinkie finger had taken a bite. I took Thor home while Doug waited for the owner to write her name and address. We went to the emergency room so I could get it cleaned out well and because I knew the hospital would call the police who would then verify vaccinations. It was a much shallower wound than I had thought at first.

I have never been so scared in my life. I don't know what in particular scared me, other than the fear of seeing Thor's flesh torn away. I couldn't think clearly at all.

Later, I got thinking about all the times the kids have taken Thor on that same walk and how disastrous it could have been if the attack had happened one of those times, or if a small child had been present and gotten in the way.

The owner did call later to tell us that the vaccinations were current, although I will still be contacting the police to see if they have verification of that.

Today the wound seems okay, but my back is sore and stiff from being jarred. I had to take half of a leftover hysterectomy percocet last night so I could get past the pain to sleep.