Sunny Day

The beautiful sunshiny day is a perfect match for my spirits.  I am so glad I am able to even recognize the sunshine as well as appreciate it.

Answered Prayers

It's been an interesting week.  Financially, emotionally, and physically, this has been one of our lowest weeks ever.  We both had the flu last week, and we are still trying to bounce back.  I have never felt as hopeless as I have this week.  Hubster finally applied for a job as a bagger at a grocery store, which took a great deal out of him for various reasons.  (Note: It is good, honest work.  It's just hard to be in the upper 40's and realizing you have to take a job that you can get with no job experience at all.)

And then good things happened.   The church secretary called with a lead on a manufacturing job.  It turned out that although they do need people to work on the floor (can you say "training in new job skills"?), they really need someone with hubster's background in logistics and warehouse work. 

We got a call a couple hours ago that he will have a job, starting Tuesday.  The pay is only minimum wage to start with, but a) it's a job! and b) their plan is to move him forward and upward as soon as possible and c) it's a job!

Meanwhile, I had a meeting today at one of our other campuses.  Someone in a non-instructional staff role will be leaving for a new school, and her absence will leave a hole for several months until her position can be approved and filled.  I will be filling in a couple days a week and will have a 40% appointment (which will involve an overload for me=$$).  It is work I've done before and that I enjoy.  The money will make a substantial difference for us, even if it's just for a few months.  I had been thinking about looking for part-time work but was distraught that I have no job experience and skills outside education and some public relations work.  I'm thrilled to have a chance to earn a bit more doing something I already have experience doing.

Both of these job opportunities are the results of people praying and paying attention to us.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Prayers of My Soul

I can feel the embrace of friends so often these days.

Hubster is still out of work.  Furthermore, there are no more unemployment benefits.  It's been almost two years.  I just can't do this anymore.  We were barely making it on my salary plus his, or on my salary plus unemployment, and we are drowning right now.  Stress has been our nearly constant companion for almost two years.  I've discovered that I have nothing left.  I'm at the end of my rope.  I have my full-time job, plus a part-time consultant-type job that roughly equates to five hours a week.  Now I'm even looking at taking a third job in an attempt to keep our heads above water.  And it still won't be quite enough.

The thought of doing that exhausts me.  As it is, I feel like I don't have enough time for my own internal healing of the past couple years.  My soul feels like it's sinking into a morass of bills and clutter and teenagers and trying to figure out what it means to be a supportive wife right now.

And we were all so sick last week with the flu.  It completely knocked me on my butt.  My body's immune system has no resources left to fight anything, and my heart feels the same way.

There are moments when my soul feels like it's about to shatter.

I will curl up on my bed, crying all over my pillow--and then I will suddenly feel a renewal come out of the blue.  I will suddenly have the strength to stand up, wash my face, take care of some laundry, do some schoolwork, sit with my family, and try to maintain a sense of normal family life.  I know that I don't have it in me to do that--so I know that I am being prayed for.  I can feel the protection against the darker feelings of failure and despair, and I am able to experience just enough joy and contentment each day that I somehow keep going.

So many friends are praying for my family right now.  This morning, a friend stopped by my office to ask if there was anything she could do.  Although I wanted to say, "Could you please pay my power bill?" I asked her to pray--for a job for the hubster, for wisdom and courage as we make decisions large and small, for peace, for joy, for hope, for healing hearts.  I pray for understanding of how I can grow from this and how I can keep from becoming a bitter and angry woman.

Keep the prayers coming, friends.  There may be a time for everything, but I'm hoping this season of life passes quickly.