reality bites

I've found lately that I'm really disturbed by many reality shows.

I religiously watched the first three seasons of MTV's Real World.  I reluctantly watched the second half of the first season of Survivor and got hooked for the next two years.  I felt guilty and voyeuristic at every episode, so I made sure to critically analyze the changing relationship dynamics of these total strangers who lived together and competed against each other in various ways.  It was fascinating for a time, but it didn't keep my attention long-term.

Then we came into an era of American Idol.  I watched five minutes of it and got bored.  Fear Factor?  Ick.  Then there were shows about nannies, and I've never understood the appeal of them.  Is it to make us see how much worse it could be so we'll feel better about our own lives and our own choices?  I really don't get it.

Recently, my husband has begun to watch a couple shows that really disturb me.  The name of one escapes me now, but it's kind of a Candid Camera show.  People are presented with a contrived situation that forces them to make a difficult decision.  The other one is Wife Swap.  I've been trying to figure out what bothers me so much about them, and it's this: they change people's lives.  The Candid Camera-type show had one situation in which people witnessed racial discrimination at a fast food place, and the idea was to see whether they would join in, walk away, or stand up against it.  Some situations require a great deal of courage to do the right thing.  When people do what they feel they should in a difficult situation, it takes something out of them.  Likewise, many times it's hard to find the strength and courage to do the right thing--in which case someone has to live with that knowledge.  Creating that situation intentionally, with the purpose of forcing someone to have this experience that they have to live with, feels wrong.  It's one thing to have a reality show that people choose to participate in; it's entirely something else to put them into a situation that could harm them emotionally.

Wife Swap is the same thing, except here, the adults do have a choice.  The kids don't.  Two completely different types of women move in with the other one's family.  For the first week, they follow the existing rhythms and rules of the family's life.  The second week, they put their own guidelines in place.  Twice, I've seen a swapped mom make a kid give away a cherished object.  I just do not think that's okay.  Meanwhile, the husband and the kids are learning some new ways from the swapped wife as they develop new ways to see their lives.  This isn't necessarily bad--but after the wives return home, what happens?  The woman has had her ways validated by watching the other family benefit from her guidance.  Meanwhile, her own family has undergone changes.  How can a show do this to families?

t truly bothers me that there is an industry that makes money by damaging lives.