Several years ago--when my kids were younger and I needed a different kind of support in parenting--I was on an email list for parents of twins. Someone had expressed frustration with the endless butt-wiping. "Why does it feel like I'll be wiping their butts forever?" Somehow this struck a chord in me, and I posted a response about some of the things that pass by without our even noticing. I've been thinking about that now, and here's what I wrote:
Butt-wiping is one of those things that just kind of tapers off without anyone realizing it until one day,whammo--it hits you that you don't even remember the last time you
- wiped a butt
- bought baby wipes
- carried a diaper bag
- didn't have dust in the bowl of the potty seat
- had to get up in the middle of the night to feed someone
- hunted for a pacifier
- used a sippy cup
- were able to spell words to your spouse and the kids really weren't able to
figure out what you were talking about- had to cut everyone's food into tiny, tiny pieces
- thought 5 a.m. was sleeping in
- couldn't take a shower unless another adult was in the house
- had spit-up on your clothes
- were able to pick up both your twins at once
There is such an intense time when all of life seems to revolve around these things, and it's hard to believe that it won't last forever. It does pass--so much that I truly hadn't thought about these things for a long, long time. To those of you still there, please believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (I first believed in this particular light once the twins were on solid food and had more regular and predictable meal times)--and thank you for helping me remember to appreciate that I'm now living in that light (of course, we haven't hit puberty yet). I also must say, somewhat sadly, that my 10-year old doesn't fit on my lap anymore, although we do try sometimes. Just a few weeks ago, we were watching TV together and he fell asleep on my lap. His poor hair got all soaked with my tears as I realized that at that moment, I might well be experiencing the very last time I would ever get to hold that child as he slept. The rhythms of life move to many difference dances.--April 24, 2002
How could I have forgotten all those things? The 10-year old who fell asleep on my lap is now 16, and that was, indeed, the last time I held him as he slept. He is now a young man, and I can hold him briefly and in a very different way. He now comforts me as I once comforted him. I still wonder what his future will hold, but I see the promise of a good man in him and I wonder if I've really had anything to do with who he is from this point on. With all three of my children, I have been able to see their character and know something of who they will be. My oldest cares deeply about fairness in the world. My daughter is a true and loyal friend. My younger son sympathizes with those who suffer. I don't know where these qualities came from, but I feel blessed for having been able to see them in my children. Although I miss the sweetness of a baby's soft head tucked into my neck, I am truly grateful to have the chance to watch my babies grow into good adult human beings.
1 comment:
The cycles of parenting are sweet and sour. Butt wiping being on the sour side. How about the half hearted yell, "Mom, come wipe me!" as the kids got old enough to get on the potty by themselves, yet still had not acquired enough manual dexterity to navigate the process.
I do miss the leg wrap hugs. The young elementary aged boys would sneak up from behind and wrap their arms around my legs and say, "I love you, mommy!" They never tired of trying to scare me by jumping out of closets or dangling bugs/worms in my face. I became an expert actress. Because the more they knew they 'got me,' the more they were encouraged to try to scare.
The cycles of life....someday we'll have grandkids. I hear that's a whole new and better ballgame. BLB
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