slouching toward surgery

Having made my decision to have a hysterectomy, I've been able to let go of most of the anxiety about it all.  The past several weeks have been pretty good.  I've been cutting  back on caffeine, drinking more water, sleeping better, coping better with stress, etc.  In fact, I've had almost no gynecological pain for several weeks.  I was starting to second guess my surgery.  What if all I needed to do was cut caffeine and stress and increase water intake?  After all, those things contribute to labor.  Why wouldn't they contribute to non-pregnant uterine contractions?  Even sex wasn't triggering pain (although I would feel crampy and uncomfortable).

I had my pre-op with the doctor Tuesday.  The actual appointment was pretty simple. While I sat in the waiting room, I read and signed all the consent forms. I had to sign 3 or 4 pieces of paper to acknowledge my understanding that I would not be able to become pregnant and various other things that said I'd received various pamphlets and other information. Once I got back to the exam room, he did a quick pelvic exam to be sure he could grab my cervix as he would need to do for a vaginal procedure. Then my husband came back, and we talked. We looked at some pictures of female anatomy, and he used his hands to describe the creation of the vaginal cuff. We talked about the risks and how he would handle different things that might come up during the surgery. Mostly, we just had a conversation. I had done a lot of research already, so there were no surprises--but talking about it made it seem more real.

In the midst of our conversation, about 20 minutes after the pelvic exam, I could feel the cramping start.  Over the past two days, it has gotten bad.  Yesterday morning, I was light-headed at school.  Once I took some ibuprofen, I was no longer light-headed but I could feel the pain again.  I spent several hours today on my heating pad.  I'm quite relieved.  I know absolutely that it was the uterus that experienced the stimulus and triggered the pain, and this is a reminder to me of why I need the surgery.  I can't function like this.  So I'm in pain, but happy about it.

Three more weeks!