what I've learned from my hysterectomy support website

I’ve gotten totally addicted to my hysterectomy support website. I’ve learned some things.

1. The internet is mostly wonderful. I have no one in my face-to-face life to talk with about my hysterectomy, at least not someone who has been there and truly know what the experience can be like. Yet online, I’ve found women who have experienced the same gynecological and recovery issues and I am very much not alone. If I didn’t have these women to “talk” to, my doctor would have banished me from her office by now with all the questions and concerns I’ve had.

2. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be in recovery. With this support website, my primary identity is that of hysterectomy patient. At some point, I will no longer require the support of the women on this website. However, I feel such a pull to the sense of community I’ve found there. Will I be tempted to stay there simply to stay connected? Will I now perceive every twinge and experience through the lens of hysterectomy simply so I can justify the continuation of identifying myself as a hysterectomy patient and justify my presence on that site? This is teaching me something about some of my students who struggle with addictive behaviors. The value and attention that comes with an addiction or disorder can be, in itself, addictive. In some cases, perhaps the biggest barrier to recovery is not the loss of the behavior but the loss of the identity. I know this is probably obvious to most people, but it just isn't something I've thought much about. Now I just need to figure out what that suggests about how I should interact with some of my students.

3. I have something to offer. In addition to getting the support I’ve needed, I’ve gained a lot from the responses I’ve given to other women. I’ve come to realize that I’ve been missing this in my own life. So now I need to think through what I want to do to be more giving and how to share my experiences in a way that is helpful. I’m not sure what path this will take, but somehow I’ve been given the opportunity to tap into something that has been buried within myself for many years.

4. The internet is not life. Surgery is not life. Even my late uterus was not life. Life is life, and I have one chance to live it.