would you like some cheese with that whine?

Would it make me sound like a bad wife and mom to say I need to have a place of my own?

I am, by nature, an introverted human being. Being around people (even those I love) is so very draining for me. My husband the extravert needs to be around people and thrives on conversation and sound.

Every since we got married, I've struggled with having time and space of my own. When the kids were little, being with them involved constant togetherness. However, they had naptime and, even when that stopped, they went to bed early. In the evenings after the kids were in bed, home life settled down.

Back then, we didn't have the internet. My husband had the tv on all the time (which completely drove me nuts), but I could generally sit in the kitchen and read or work, and I could sit in the living room and do cross-stitch or read despite the sounds of the tv.

When we moved into the house before this one, we had an extra bedroom with an office. I could spend time in there and recharge myself--even while working. Because the house was a split level and we had the tv room downstairs, I could be cleaning up in the kitchen or puttering around in other rooms of the house in relative peace and quiet.

When we moved here, I lost the time and space for my own place. The bedroom was shared space. There were no extra bedrooms. The first-floor rooms are all small and close together, with entertainment technology all over the place.

Summer has always been a bit of a challenge because there's so much more togetherness with the kids. As they've gotten older, they stay up later, and I no longer have quiet time in the evenings. However, I've generally been able to find pockets of time throughout the day when I can take deep breaths and immerse myself in my self.

This summer has been very difficult. My unemployed husband is around ALL THE TIME. He has had very few interviews, so he never leaves for longer than a quick dash to the grocery store. He is not taking the time he now has to do anything productive around the house, like cleaning the back portch, organizing the junk in the basement, sorting through his closet, etc. He is not reading, writing, walking, etc. So what is he doing? When he's awake, he is in front of the tv (loud volume because of street noise and his middle-aged hearing) with the laptop in front of him. He wants me in the room with him, and because he gets sad and grouchy and depressed when I'm not there (remember, he's an extravert) and it's one thing I can do to be supportive.

But it's really wearing on me. I don't have a single place in my own home where I can sit and just read quietly, recharge my internal batteries, think, write, read, knit, or anything I want to do with quietness. The few days I've tried to spend on the back porch or in our bedroom I've felt like an outcast of sorts. I feel like there is no place for me in my home. The kids all have their own rooms. Doug doesn't want his own space. And when I spend the evening in another room (like, sitting at the kitchen table), he and the kids ask me what's wrong and why I'm avoiding them.

It's because constantly being with even the people I love is more than I can handle!

I don't even have a chair, with my own light, with a magazine or knitting basket next to it. Is it so much to ask to have just one place that can be mine?