freaking out

All of a sudden, I'm stressing over the hysterectomy.  In part, this is because I've been reading about the surgery and recovery.  I know that it will hurt much more than my c-section, although I am encouraged by the fact that I recovered so smoothly from that.  The other thing is, I'm starting to wonder how others will view me.  Is having a hysterectomy considered anti-feminist?  Yesterday, a colleague stopped by and wished me well on the surgery, but I felt like there was more that was being said.  Was it me?  Was it her?  Am I being brainwashed by the medical profession and what's seems easiest?  I don't know.  I just can't stand having this pain all the time.  Even when it isn't severe and it's just an achy discomfort, it's there.  It runs my life.  Two days ago, the doctor did a pelvic exam when I wasn't expecting one.  (Otherwise I would have taken four ibuprofen ahead of time to take the edge of the pain.)  So here I am, two days later, with occasional quick yet stabbing pains.  I cannot do this anymore.  I want a t-shirt to justify my decision.  Doesn't pro-choice mean this, too?

I spent half an hour yesterday searching for images of uteruses (uteri), just so I could tell my husband I was getting one of them tattooed on me.  Here's my favorite: