so hard sometimes

I am so tired of being supportive. I don't even know what it means anymore. We haven't even had to deal with the financial implications of my husband losing his job yet--although it may be a few weeks until his unemployment checks start coming in, for reasons I don't understand. In a couple weeks, I get the last regular paycheck I'll have until October. I can't even think about the finances yet; it's just so overwhelming. He's so depressed. He makes a couple phone calls every day, but with the bad economy, he just isn't getting any nibbles. He's been cooking dinner most nights, but he does no housework at all--dishes, cleaning, laundry. He doesn't take care of regular chores or even special projects. He won't give himself a regular routine, which just contributes to his sense of disconnection. I'm at my most stressful time of the semester, and this semester has been a particularly difficult one for me. And I can't help but think back on all the decision I've made and that we've made and I find myself playing the "should've" game--we shouldn't have moved here, because then I would have a much higher-paying job with tenure--we shouldn't have bought the SUV, which I never thought we could afford in the first place--we shouldn't have gotten married, because then I wouldn't have to be worried about my kids and how they'll handle all this.

I'm so frustrated, and I don't know what to do. Meanwhile, he sits home all day, playing on my work laptop (which really, really pisses me off). Not only do I still have all the work to do around the house, I can't do my schoolwork because he's following me around like a sad puppy. And then I feel guilty for being self-centered. And the only thing I can think of is to come up with some clever paypal campaign to ask people to contribute to our efforts, but I can't even figure out how to do that.

Thanks for listening.