History Is... #wiunion #wearewi

My daughter and I went to the rally in Madison on Saturday. It was the biggest day yet, with around 100,000 people there. We had an amazing day as we went inside the Capitol building, marched around outside it, and stood outside waiting for the official rally to begin.

We were there partly as protesters but also as observers. With all the news coverage, we wanted to see what was going on as well as be part of it.

I loved watching my daughter soak it all in and be part of this big moment in history. At one point, we were walking up the Capitol steps. I looked at my daughter and said, "Honey, turn around. I want you to see all the people you're connected to right now." She turned around and saw about 80,000 people in the streets behind her. Later she said,"I know that I'm part of Wisconsin history now. I was born in Illinois, but now I feel like I'm part of Wisconsin and like it's a part of me."

And the fact that shortly after she saw all those people behind her, the band started playing the chicken dance and we shook our butts along with all those thousands of other Wisconsites, well, that helped make the day a bit fun as well as historical.




P.S. I've been tweeting so much about what is happening here that it feels natural and right to include hashtags in the blogpost heading.

Exercising My Civil Liberties

The governor's budget repair bill will devastate my family's finances. Despite what the average state worker in Wisconsin makes, I am far, far below average. As a nine-month employee, I have four months' worth of health insurance premiums taken out of my June paycheck--the last paycheck I will receive until October 1. If our premiums jump, I may have no actual income in June this year.

I doubt that it will make a difference in the legislative votes, but today I did something that was wonderful for me: I went to the State Capitol with colleagues to protest.

Wow!

Standing there with thousands of other people, our voices all speaking the same words, was an incredible experience. My favorite moment was when we were inside the Capitol Building and people started shouting, "This is what democracy looks like!" And truly, it was.

On Being Political on Facebook

Most of the time, I avoid expressing my political views on Facebook. My husband and I have a politically mixed marriage, so to a certain extent, this effort functions to preserve marital harmony. I also acknowledge that in my situations, being married to a husband who votes differently than I do has taught me to be very tolerant. Although I don’t always agree with his point of view, I am usually able to understand it. And I often find that my own political views are tempered by this understanding. Importantly, I have learned to focus my disagreements on positions and views, never on the individuals who hold offices or are running for them. I have refused to make things personal by referring to elected officials I dislike as “douchebags,” “stupid,” or “idiotic.”

Additionally, my Facebook friends come from many walks of life. They are from different states and countries, they have a variety of political and religious views, and they don’t all know me well. My choice to not post political comments has been made for the purpose of not offending people who feel differently than me. I consider myself a fair-minded person, and I want those around me to feel comfortable. I dislike the idea that my words, expressing a viewpoint that might offend or upset others, might cause discomfort in my friends. Although I would like to think that those words could change minds, I think it is more likely that some words could cause those who disagree with me to simply dismiss my ideas as being “other” and not worth reading.

I want to be a bridge-builder, not a bridge-burner.

Over the past few days, I have engaged in a great deal of political conversation on Facebook, in response to my governor’s proposed Budget Repair Bill. This has been extremely difficult for me to do. I have been in tears a couple times. I am terrified by this bill and the potential harm it will cause to my family’s budget. We have already been through financial hell the past few years. Experiencing the cut in take-home pay that would result from this bill’s passage would be one more thing keeping us from keeping our heads above water. This is personal for me in a way that most political issues are not.

Many of my colleagues have posted the letters they have written to their representatives. I borrowed heavily from their letters when I wrote mine. But I cannot share it. It refers to things that my family has gone through recently, and I don’t want to air my dirty laundry to all I know on Facebook. The letter is my voice, desperately begging for reconsideration. I feel like I am on my knees, clinging to the robes of the lawmakers and begging for alms. It shows a desperation that I strongly feel, even though it is not something I want to parade in front of my friends and colleagues.

I am making an effort not to personally attack the governor. I simply cannot bring myself to do that, although I find that I want to. I confess, too, that I enjoy seeing my friends’ status updates and the groups they join that label the governor as a dumb-ass or a douchebag.

Never before have I felt so conflicted about what I am posting there.

Blizzard!

I love storms.  There is something so primal about experiencing the full force of earth and sky, even from within a heated and insulated home.  Tuesday night I was lying there listening to the snow hit all sides of the house.  We woke up to a winter wonderland.  Front and back doors were drifted shut.  The garage door opened to reveal and three-foot-deep driveway.  Hubster used the snowblower to clear the driveway and sidewalk, while I shoveled the four-foot drift in front of the front door and the three-foot drift in front of the back door.

Sunny Day

The beautiful sunshiny day is a perfect match for my spirits.  I am so glad I am able to even recognize the sunshine as well as appreciate it.

Answered Prayers

It's been an interesting week.  Financially, emotionally, and physically, this has been one of our lowest weeks ever.  We both had the flu last week, and we are still trying to bounce back.  I have never felt as hopeless as I have this week.  Hubster finally applied for a job as a bagger at a grocery store, which took a great deal out of him for various reasons.  (Note: It is good, honest work.  It's just hard to be in the upper 40's and realizing you have to take a job that you can get with no job experience at all.)

And then good things happened.   The church secretary called with a lead on a manufacturing job.  It turned out that although they do need people to work on the floor (can you say "training in new job skills"?), they really need someone with hubster's background in logistics and warehouse work. 

We got a call a couple hours ago that he will have a job, starting Tuesday.  The pay is only minimum wage to start with, but a) it's a job! and b) their plan is to move him forward and upward as soon as possible and c) it's a job!

Meanwhile, I had a meeting today at one of our other campuses.  Someone in a non-instructional staff role will be leaving for a new school, and her absence will leave a hole for several months until her position can be approved and filled.  I will be filling in a couple days a week and will have a 40% appointment (which will involve an overload for me=$$).  It is work I've done before and that I enjoy.  The money will make a substantial difference for us, even if it's just for a few months.  I had been thinking about looking for part-time work but was distraught that I have no job experience and skills outside education and some public relations work.  I'm thrilled to have a chance to earn a bit more doing something I already have experience doing.

Both of these job opportunities are the results of people praying and paying attention to us.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Prayers of My Soul

I can feel the embrace of friends so often these days.

Hubster is still out of work.  Furthermore, there are no more unemployment benefits.  It's been almost two years.  I just can't do this anymore.  We were barely making it on my salary plus his, or on my salary plus unemployment, and we are drowning right now.  Stress has been our nearly constant companion for almost two years.  I've discovered that I have nothing left.  I'm at the end of my rope.  I have my full-time job, plus a part-time consultant-type job that roughly equates to five hours a week.  Now I'm even looking at taking a third job in an attempt to keep our heads above water.  And it still won't be quite enough.

The thought of doing that exhausts me.  As it is, I feel like I don't have enough time for my own internal healing of the past couple years.  My soul feels like it's sinking into a morass of bills and clutter and teenagers and trying to figure out what it means to be a supportive wife right now.

And we were all so sick last week with the flu.  It completely knocked me on my butt.  My body's immune system has no resources left to fight anything, and my heart feels the same way.

There are moments when my soul feels like it's about to shatter.

I will curl up on my bed, crying all over my pillow--and then I will suddenly feel a renewal come out of the blue.  I will suddenly have the strength to stand up, wash my face, take care of some laundry, do some schoolwork, sit with my family, and try to maintain a sense of normal family life.  I know that I don't have it in me to do that--so I know that I am being prayed for.  I can feel the protection against the darker feelings of failure and despair, and I am able to experience just enough joy and contentment each day that I somehow keep going.

So many friends are praying for my family right now.  This morning, a friend stopped by my office to ask if there was anything she could do.  Although I wanted to say, "Could you please pay my power bill?" I asked her to pray--for a job for the hubster, for wisdom and courage as we make decisions large and small, for peace, for joy, for hope, for healing hearts.  I pray for understanding of how I can grow from this and how I can keep from becoming a bitter and angry woman.

Keep the prayers coming, friends.  There may be a time for everything, but I'm hoping this season of life passes quickly.